Laughter and play are traits of a healthy family

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said, “No.” I thought, “Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I don’t have any extra clothes with me.” Then I said, “Matt, are you sure you didn’t have an accident?” “No,” he replied irritably. I just knew that he must have because the smell was getting worse. Soooo . . . I asked one more time, “Matt, did you have an accident?” This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, “SEE, MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!”

While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified . . . until some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!

According to Dolores Curran in Traits of a Healthy Family, a sense of humor and play is one of the traits of a healthy family, whatever its arrangement. Trusting in ourselves as parents is crucial to be effective in adding humor and play to family life. We all want to be the best parents we can be. When we are preoccupied with getting it right or looking good, we lose our sense of humor and miss out on many opportunities to give and receive humor with our children. One of the greatest rewards of my work comes when parents lighten up with their children.

When my son was eight or nine years old, he often invited me to play Nintendo. I declined. I was an anti-Nintendo mom, and I didn’t think that form of play was valuable. I thought he should be playing with people rather than machines. One day I realized he was eagerly trying to contribute to the enjoyment of my life, and I was not being open to his contribution. I learned how to play and enjoy Dr. Mario, a Nintendo game. Pretty soon, he was telling me I was spending too much time in front of the television, playing Nintendo.

Learning to downhill ski was also a joy for me. When I drove Jesse to the slopes to ski, he would urge me to ski with him. I was content to watch from the chalet. It was such fun as he taught me how to get on and off the ski lift. I specifically recall the conversation in the car on the way to my first ski lesson. He shared with me his frustration with grownups who budge in front of children waiting in the checkout line at the store. I explained that sometimes adults treat children the way they were treated. He turned to me and said, “Well, you must have been treated pretty good then.” I passed that compliment on to my mother.